Lessons Learned from 2015

Barack – I Totally Relate, Man. Seriously.

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Okay, I know by now you’ve all seen it – Obama’s ‘faux pas’ [*coughgoodone*] on The Tonight Show. 

You know, when you are as spectacularly famous and influential as Barack and I are, you have to be very careful.  Pretty much anything you say could be misconstrued and taken as offensive to someone, anyone.  ESPECIALLY anything humourous. 

It leaves us in a pretty pickle, us superstars.  I mean, the comedians that reeeally make me laugh are generally saying something that would piss somebody off.  Do I really care?  Hell, no!  If it’s funny, it’s funny, even if it’s making fun of me (that being said…watch your step, my friends.  Watch your step.)

But, like my dearling Barack, I too have to choose my words carefully. 

For instance – and this is just a random example, now – were I to make fun of my mother’s dog…or the way it alternates between trying to cuddle me and/or bite my face off (and there is good material here, people)…there is a strong likelihood that someone – say, one of my AUNTS – might read my blog and RAT ME OUT to my mother, causing her feelings to be hurt.  Just as an example.  Hypothetical, of course.

The self-censorship required to constantly be monitoring my words, second-guessing myself at every turn, ensuring that all are offended equally…er, I mean, to ensure that all are respected equally – it’s a full-time job.

Because there is no telling who is reading this.  I mean – suppose I were to blog about the misadventures of one of my former lovers and/or stalkers, and they were to google words such as ‘vampire’, ‘unmedicated bipolar disorder’, ‘kidnapping and hostage situations’, ‘secret rooms’, ‘automatic redial’ or any number of things that could lead them to my ramblings about them?  Though I am cleverly disguised as ‘Drea M.’, there are a handful of them with IQs high enough to possibly figure it out.  And I shudder to think where that would lead.

And then there is the problem of the Rogue Publicist.  I’m sure Obama has to deal with this as well.  Though even the best of us need a break at times, and thus she comes in handy about once a month, Evil Drea has the potential of a loose cannon.  A tight rein is required, my friends – a tight rein.

In short, what this means is that:

If you weren’t all such a bunch of tight-asses, my blog would be a lot funnier.