More Fascinating Lies About Meme

‘Kay, I’ve been tagged by a very cool blogger friend, Lea (go check out her blog) and I’ve been taking my good old time with it, but here we go:

Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me.


Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.


What is your biggest contribution to the world?

My extensive research on the lethal dose (LD-50) of tabloid magazine exposure.  I confirmed that in sensitive individuals, a minimum exposure of three magazine cover sightings in supermarkets is all that is required to invoke instant and complete brain death.  For those with repeated and frequent exposure involving incremental increases in exposure severity, such as members of the paparazzi, massive amounts are required to slow them down (example:  close and prolonged proximity to persons such as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, etc.)  It is hypothesized that the public, armed with such knowledge, will be better equiped to cope should they be faced with such life-altering events as botched fertility treatments, unprecedented attention ensued after entering public singing competitions, or forgetting to wear panties when exiting a limousine.


What do your coworkers have that you wish was yours?

Huge expense accounts.  They are allowed to write off such work-related necessities as in-house shoulder-rubs, singing candygram deliveries, additional staff assigned to M&M colour-sorting, and big-screen office televisions, among many others.  It gives me something to strive for.


What did you eat last night?

Barbequed dinosaur.  It was delicious.


What really lights your fire?

When a man boasts to me of his hunting prowess, it drives me wild.  Also, I really don’t find it a turn-on for my man to have a terribly literate mind – the dumber the better.  And it’s very exciting when a guy is proud of his extensive study of how-to manuals such as the Kama Sutra – very hot…because you know, women are so much like cars, it only makes sense to learn about what pleases them from an instruction booklet.


What is the last thing that pissed you off?

I don’t get angry.  People try to piss me off.  But I am a rock.  I am Switzerland.  I am a white dove flying over a peaceful sea.


Name something you hoard and keep from others.

Knowledge.  I refuse to tell anyone anything.  Knowledge is power and it is mine – ALL MINE!


What’s the laziest thing you ever did?

Completely slack my way through my university degree.  I slept through lectures and labs, I cheated on exams, I never did any of the extra assignments for bonus points.  I thumbed my nose at the Dean’s List.  I could have cared less about my grades.

Okay, your turn.

I know you’re clever.

Lie to Meme!

(P.S.  If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged!  Link back to me or message me to let me know so I can check out your answers…)

On Wandering, Lust, and Wanderlust

You may have noticed I haven’t been around much lately.

It’s because I have a severe case of wanderlust.  The seven-year itch is slipping in and I wanna slip away.  I’m throwing a tantrum in my head.  It’s getting like a daycare right before naptime in there.

I have a history of this.

Some people collect stamps, Lady Di memorabilia or those little tiny spoons that never actually get used as spoons, but I collect experiences.  It is my goal in life to experience everything at least once.  (Well, wait – let me amend that.  It is my goal to experience everything cool at least once.  I have no desire to experience poison ivy, starring on a reality show or living in the suburbs.)

I used to be so bad, I used to move every year.  I would have 3 jobs at once, because I couldn’t stand working 40 hours a week at the same place.

I’m haven’t been that bad in a while, because I’ve learned that there are other, better ways to stave off the restlessness and get my adrenaline fix.

Sometimes the spontaneous acts that are bred by this ambition lead to good things, sometimes not so good; but the things that remain are the memories, the experiences.  I’ve jumped out of airplanes.  I’ve dropped everything and given away all of my stuff to take a road trip across the continent.  I’ve torn off my clothes and gone skinny-dipping with large numbers of near-strangers.  I’ve taken a lot of chances and I don’t regret a single one.

I’ve never understood boredom, with everything there is out there to experience.

Except now, I find myself climbing the walls.

I’ve been living in the same place for eons. I’ve been working the same job for centuries. I’ve been getting entirely too much sleep.  Even skydiving is getting old (and where do you go from there?  I mean, I’m still waiting to hear back from NASA, but in the meantime…?)

I find myself dreaming constantly about the city.  I am craving the noise, the smells and tastes and sights.  I miss people-watching.  I miss summer, too.  I want to wander the streets late at night without the police pulling over to ask if I’m okay (because the streets in a small town are empty at night, except for drunks and abused women running away from their spouses.)  I want to make love in the field of sunflowers painted by van Gogh, I want to make love on a train rattling through ancient towns full of people and sights as yet unseen, I want to make love in the London Eye (there has to be a way).  I want to celebrate life.  I don’t want to read about it.  I don’t want to write about it.  I want to live it.

This longing has been going on for some time, well over a year.  I need to shake things up.   (And right about now, my boss is reading this and having a mini-heart attack and already beginning to search for my replacement…)

I probably just need to rearrange the furniture or get a new haircut or something, right?

Published in: on February 22, 2009 at 2:17 am  Comments (8)  
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