Skipper

A Tracker is a helluva tiny vehicle. Yes, it has four-wheel drive. Yes, it is technically classified as an SUV. But it is a tiny vehicle. It actually has less storage capacity than my two previous cars – a VW Golf and a Toyota Tercel, both very compact cars in their own right. But the Tracker is smaller. Which is great when you’re talking mileage, but not so great when you want to talk capacity. The tailgate space in Skipper (my Tracker’s proper name) is only about the depth of a case of beer (which most would agree, is wide enough…)

Like so many things in life, though (cough* me*), Skipper, though tiny, is awfully cute. Cuteness is very important.

I am now going to wow you with something that kind of wowed me today.

I have a tendency to live out of my car in the summertime, so I decided to clean Skipper out in anticipation of a trip to the city next week since I’ll be doing a fair amount of visiting and will require seating space that is currently not exactly available.

The following is an inventory of all the crap I managed to squeeze into this retardedly tiny jeep.

1. 1 black mountain bike named Spike (I don’t have a bike rack for the back of the vehicle yet, so this is stowed on top of the folded-down rear seat…and partly over the folded-down front passenger seat…and yes, it was quite a feat to come up with this arrangement.)
2. 1 large purple boogie board with leash
3. 1 grey flowered helmet (for skydiving and biking)
4. 1 pr navy flippers
5. 1 pr child-size (shut up) skydiving goggles
6. 1 large floppy straw hat with decaying flowers (gifts from children) tucked into the brim
7. 1 light-weight backpacking tent (Go ahead and laugh if you must, but if you know anything about me, you know I’m pretty…spontaneous sometimes.)
8. 2 camping mess kits
9. 1 Epipen prescription, never filled because I am a rebel and those stinkin’ bees don’t scare me
10. 1 notebook
11. 1 pen
12. 1 ‘do rag
13. nylon rope
14. 1 pr surfing shoes
15. 22 seashells (assorted)
16. 4 pretty rocks
17. 1 piece of brain coral
18. approximately 2 cups of sand shaken from floor mats
19. 4 pieces of sharp glass picked up off the beach so no one steps on them
20. 1 vertebrae from unknown animal (taken from beach because it’s cool)
21. 1 bag containing gifts for people I keep meaning to visit
22. 3 library books (not quite overdue – yay me!)
23. 1 bag of cat treats (for vet visits)
24. 1 scrap of badly tea-stained post-it note with barely-legible directions to a friend’s house
25. 1 dayplanner (rarely used)
26. 1 black art portfolio
27. 1 small portable watercolour set
28. 1 skydiving jump log
29. 1 Canadian Sport Parachuting Association rulebook
30. 1 Canadian Sport Parachuting Association skills manual
31. 1 pr running shoes
32. 1 pr cycling shoes
33. 1 pr cute shoes (one of which is missing its heel – left behind in a driveway in Lawrencetown on a recent visit *see previous entry for tea-stained post-it*)
34. 1 pr navy yoga pants
35. 1 red long-sleeved t-shirt
36. 1 beige shawl
37. 1 red knitted over-sized hooded cardigan
38. 1 black Indian cotton peasant blouse
39. 1 brown Mexican blanket
40. 1 bottle Off bug spray
41. 2 flashlights with spare batteries
42. 8 granola bars (assorted)
43. 4 L bottled water
44. 1 portable air compressor
45. 1 car jack
46. 1 tire iron
47. 1 windshield brush/scraper
48. 1 spare fan belt
49. 6 assorted maps/road atlases
50. 1 portable dictation recorder
51. 1 Swiss Army knife
52. 14 cassette tapes (yes, cassette tapes. Skipper is not a modern vehicle.)
53. 1 MP3 player with external speakers (I, on the other hand, am a modern girl)
54. 5 cloth grocery bags
55. 1 jug windshield wiper fluid
56. 4 pairs sunglasses
57. 1 portable aluminum coffee mug
58. 1 stick of antiperspirant
59. 1 tube of lipgloss (sunblock)
60. 1 tube of lipgloss (pretty)
61. 1 small travel hairbrush
62. 1 tire pressure gauge
63. 1 Crescent wrench
64. 1 waterproof disposable camera
65. 6 bungee cords
66. 2 tubes sunscreen
67. 1 roll of toilet paper (you never know)
68. 1 lighter
69. 1 can WD40 (good for lubricating stupid ragtop window zippers as well as bike chains)
70. 1 nylon folder containing important car documents
71. 1 pr fingerless cycling gloves
72. 1 pr striped winter gloves
73. 1 winter scarf to match striped gloves
74. 1 pkg sparklers

I’m not even kidding.

Do you think there’s a Guinness Book record related to this? Or a support group?

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