How Many Clowns Can You Fit in a Barbie Jeep?



As most of you know, I drive a Tracker. For those of you who aren’t 100% clear as to what this means, I’m gonna tell ya.

A Tracker is a helluva tiny vehicle. Yes, it has four-wheel drive. Yes, it is technically classified as an SUV. But it is a tiny vehicle. It actually has less storage capacity than my two previous cars – a VW Golf and a Toyota Tercel, both very compact cars in their own right. But the Tracker is smaller. Which is great when you’re talking mileage, but not so great when you want to talk capacity. The tailgate space in Skipper (my Tracker’s proper name) is only about the depth of a case of beer (which most would agree, is wide enough…)

Like so many things in life, though (cough* me*), Skipper, though tiny, is awfully cute. Cuteness is very important.

I am now going to wow you with something that kind of wowed me today.

I have a tendency to live out of my car in the summertime, so I decided to clean Skipper out in anticipation of a trip to the city next week since I’ll be doing a fair amount of visiting and will require seating space that is currently not exactly available.

The following is an inventory of all the crap I managed to squeeze into this retardedly tiny jeep.

  1. 1 black mountain bike named Spike (I don’t have a bike rack for the back of the vehicle yet, so this is stowed on top of the folded-down rear seat…and partly over the folded-down front passenger seat…and yes, it was quite a feat to come up with this arrangement.)
  2. 1 large purple boogie board with leash
  3. 1 grey flowered helmet (for skydiving and biking)
  4. 1 pr navy flippers
  5. 1 pr child-size (shut up) skydiving goggles
  6. 1 large floppy straw hat with decaying flowers (gifts from children) tucked into the brim
  7. 1 light-weight backpacking tent (Go ahead and laugh if you must, but if you know anything about me, you know I’m pretty…spontaneous sometimes.)
  8. 2 camping mess kits
  9. 1 Epipen prescription, never filled because I am a rebel and those stinkin’ bees don’t scare me
  10. 1 notebook
  11. 1 pen
  12. 1 ‘do rag
  13. nylon rope
  14. 1 pr surfing shoes
  15. 22 seashells (assorted)
  16. 4 pretty rocks
  17. 1 piece of brain coral
  18. approximately 2 cups of sand shaken from floor mats
  19. 4 pieces of sharp glass picked up off the beach so no one steps on them
  20. 1 vertebrae from unknown animal (taken from beach because it’s cool)
  21. 1 bag containing gifts for people I keep meaning to visit
  22. 3 library books (not quite overdue – yay me!)
  23. 1 bag of cat treats (for vet visits)
  24. 1 scrap of badly tea-stained post-it note with barely-legible directions to a friend’s house
  25. 1 dayplanner (rarely used)
  26. 1 black art portfolio
  27. 1 small portable watercolour set
  28. 1 skydiving jump log
  29. 1 Canadian Sport Parachuting Association rulebook
  30. 1 Canadian Sport Parachuting Association skills manual
  31. 1 pr running shoes
  32. 1 pr cycling shoes
  33. 1 pr cute shoes (one of which is missing its heel – left behind in a driveway in Lawrencetown on a recent visit *see previous entry for tea-stained post-it*)
  34. 1 pr navy yoga pants
  35. 1 red long-sleeved t-shirt
  36. 1 beige shawl
  37. 1 red knitted over-sized hooded cardigan
  38. 1 black Indian cotton peasant blouse
  39. 1 brown Mexican blanket
  40. 1 bottle Off bug spray
  41. 2 flashlights with spare batteries
  42. 8 granola bars (assorted)
  43. 4 L bottled water
  44. 1 portable air compressor
  45. 1 car jack
  46. 1 tire iron
  47. 1 windshield brush/scraper
  48. 1 spare fan belt
  49. 6 assorted maps/road atlases
  50. 1 portable dictation recorder
  51. 1 Swiss Army knife
  52. 14 cassette tapes (yes, cassette tapes. Skipper is not a modern vehicle.)
  53. 1 MP3 player with external speakers (I, on the other hand, am a modern girl)
  54. 5 cloth grocery bags
  55. 1 jug windshield wiper fluid
  56. 4 pairs sunglasses
  57. 1 portable aluminum coffee mug
  58. 1 stick of antiperspirant
  59. 1 tube of lipgloss (sunblock)
  60. 1 tube of lipgloss (pretty)
  61. 1 small travel hairbrush
  62. 1 tire pressure gauge
  63. 1 Crescent wrench
  64. 1 waterproof disposable camera
  65. 6 bungee cords
  66. 2 tubes sunscreen
  67. 1 roll of toilet paper (you never know)
  68. 1 lighter
  69. 1 can WD40 (good for lubricating stupid ragtop window zippers as well as bike chains)
  70. 1 nylon folder containing important car documents
  71. 1 pr fingerless cycling gloves
  72. 1 pr striped winter gloves
  73. 1 winter scarf to match striped gloves
  74. 1 pkg sparklers

I’m not even kidding.

Do you think there’s a Guinness Book record related to this? Or a support group?


Published in: on July 18, 2008 at 5:20 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. LMAO, that’s awesome. I had a Tracker in HS (We called it the Cheap Jeep) and i can’t IMAGINE fitting all that stuff in it. I miss my car 😦

  2. ‘Cheap Jeep’ – I may have to steal that.

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